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Anne Townsend

@ Sunday Times Books LIVE

Till Death Do Us Part @ Porn Pixels

rosesssPicture the following: a blushing groom walks up the aisle, to be greeted by his bride @ Porn Pixels. She is a laptop bulging with the following websites: Watching Family Porn with horny step-sister, Everyday sexual life with a Sloven, Girl Getting Pounded by Orc, and niche market videos such as ”rough”, ”choking,” ”rape”, ”orgy”, ”whip” & ”gang bang.”

As Blushing Groom and Bulging Computer say their wedding vows, to a packed audience of fellow porn users, pornographers and porn crew, we marvel at how far we’ve come. New Age Puritanism? Me-Too? Nada. Not on your nelly :-)

Today we’re celebrating in the sacred confines of our local cathedral.

A marriage, with vows: Till Death Do Us Part. Blushing Groom & Porn Pixels.

The Groom’s Vows: They say that love is a many splendored thing, constantly changing and evolving. My love for you will be ever changing like a chimera and ever growing like a verdant valley.

The Porn Pixels’ Vows: “I’ll be your bridge o’er troubled water, when you’re down, I will carry you, like a bridge o’er troubled water I will lay me down.”

How long will Newly Wedded Groom remain faithful to his bride, Porn Pixels? Will he, soon enough, stray out into the murky world of The Affair(s)?

A real live woman will offer her company, and the married man will experience real live sex with bodily fluids,¬†cooing noises,¬†fresh linen, and even a pregnancy scare. His Porn Pixel Computer won’t know, or won’t mind, or won’t care. Porn Pixel Knows Her Husband Has Needs Too. Porn Pixel Waits. He’ll return :-)

And the cliff hanger ending to our blockbuster documentary?

Which is The Real Thing? Porn Pixels or The Affair? You decide, my friend.

 

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